Why men date other marrieds?
Chat about a loaded theme that no one wants to chat about, this is it. Funny thing, married dating have been going on ever since millennium. Extramarital affairs can be burdened with problems, cause despair, and other harms. Plus you have to wrap your maind around all the other issues, there’s that truth and frankness issue, finances, age difference, religious education, guilt, and on and on. I suppose there will be some strong opinions about some of this.
For the purpose of this post I will identify an affair as a long term, maybe months long relationship of a sexual nature between two individuals of whom one or both are married to other wives/husbands, date married man.
Why do men have affairs? There are as many answers as there are seek affairs. I suppose generally though it is just the human nature, the need for affection, belonging, to be wanted and cared for, the caring for others and wanting to be loved and appreciated. Here are a few reasons I have run across.
In nature we as human beings are all sexual beings. Nature has us set up to reproduce, to have sex. Sex is pleasurable and fun, and sex makes us get away the real world for a small period of time. This euphoria exists for whatever amount of time we are able to keep the adrenalin levels high enough. Someone can switch the craving on and off, some are good at controlling it and others are so-so at best. Though we all have it, young and mature, able bodied and not so able. It is the Human condition. For some of us it is the sex act itself that drives us. For some of us it is the stimulation of the hunt. For some of us it is the seduction, for some it is the caring for another person, for some it is the desire to be appreciatedloved, for some it is the entire romance thing. These needs and yearnings can be so strong they prevail over the taboos society has erected against married dating. For many individuals the yearnings will beat their doubts and make them risk the rage of not only their relatives, but society too. So why, what is the mechanism?
Sex Addicts, probably some of us are. Sex is terribly pleasant, better then drugs, a natural high. If you are in this group of biologically motivated sex addicts and can find away to have sex and not injure your family or anybody else? You would need to reduce the jeopardy you are taking. If you have the feeling that a good affair is one that is beneficial to everyone, then good luck.
No love at home, or no romance. I suppose this is the biggest cluster, enormous truly. There are many couples whose marriage is over, but they feel comfortable in the way they exist, and upsetting the extended families is not on their list of things they wish to do. You love your other half but there is no romance. Then there are the children to consider. Your finances are so tangled. You need the medical insurance, and so on. There are a lot of reasons to stay as a family besides love and sex.
Bodily reasons, there are some people who can not have sex. They have physical circumstances that prevent them implementing the sex performance, at least not with their spouse. An extra-marital affair from time to time solves the difficulty while keeping the marriage undamaged.
Ignoring, sadly this is a regular cause I fear. One or the other, usually the male is sexually neglecting his spouse for a number of reasons. As a man I actually am grateful to you guys neglecting your girls and making them accessible to us guys of romance, making them “lonely wives” Though I still think it is despicable that you are neglectful. Also there is the spouse who is neglectful until the wife or husband has an affair, then they condemn them for doing so, when they where the catalyst. Those who neglect, then condemn, are not only neglectful, but malevolent.
Something is just misplaced in the marriage, I can not put my finger on it, but its not there. Maybe its romance that is missing, maybe it is a shortage of love, maybe compassion is gone, maybe it is the intimacy, maybe neglect. Maybe we have just grown distantly, our ordinary interests diverged. Maybe it is that what I want, and what I want to do the rest of my life, is opposed to of what you want. Maybe I simply do not know what I want from the marriage anymore. Maybe, just maybe I miss that sensation that when I am with you, it just feels right.
The number one reason people give is, they search for the passion that is missing and so very much longed for.
There are other reasons, the feeling of power, to escape, for economic gain, for revenge and so on. I am sure there are more reasons why people have affairs then these. I only stop because if this gets too long no one will read it.